Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
