It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
