you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
