mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
