he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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