I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
