I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
