you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You are a genius and a whore.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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