my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize