literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
