wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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