According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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