Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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