well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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