You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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