no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
