It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
