i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
