after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize