Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The ass gains better be worth it
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