guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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