Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
