I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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