I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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