If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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