i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
