Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
