I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
