so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
