i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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