An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
