How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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