all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
