guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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