you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
