hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
