I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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