I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
