Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
