sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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