I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
