D3 body, D1 cock
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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