you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
