bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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