WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
