You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
