So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
