Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize