My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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