Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
