I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
