Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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