Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
