Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
