Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
