She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
