Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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