Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
