Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize