Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
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Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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