She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
